cancer tornado

cancer

As I sit here at Jaxon's bedside, my thoughts begin to wander...I am sitting here watching his chest rise and fall to the soft, monotone sounds of the pump...I look out the window and the weather is so pretty, with warm sunshine beaming down and a soft, gentle breeze blowing...I realize how childhood cancer is so much like a tornado in reality.......How you can just be living life to the fullest, being carefree; and all of a sudden the clouds start rolling, the winds get stronger, and the skies grow darker....A tornado rages with anger...and as it travels there is no rhyme or reason to it...how it takes this house, and leaves another...Childhood cancer is much the same...It hits with no rhyme or reason, taking this child and leaving another...It makes no sense how a tornado can totally destroy a home, and a few feet away leaves one untouched; unharmed...As I sit here and look at Jaxon, I cannot for the life of me, believe that this horrible tornado, called 'cancer' is reeking havac in our neighborhood/'family'...I watch as it damages the small replica of my home/'myself' just a few feet away...Then I realize; that I am not sitting here going unharmed; untouched by this tornado next door...Even though my house/'person' my appear that way from the outside, the structure of my home/'my being', my heart and my soul will not walk away from this without in alot of ways being changed forever...weaker in some areas and stronger in others....weaker in selfishness, doubt, and uncertainty; stronger in Faith, Hope and Compassion.......This cancer doesn't just disappear as quickly as it came...much unlike a tornado...No..it lingers....then pretends it goes away, just to reappear again...It is almost as if it is playing games with us; the parents who have children with cancer....kind of like a 'hide-and-seek' game, or a game of 'catch me if you can'.......Well, I am tired of playing this heartless game...but I'm not a quitter, and neither is Jaxon...He didn't choose to be a player in this game; it chose him...So far he has stepped up to the plate and played 'hard-ball'...As his mama, all I can do is stand here and be his coach...encourage him, cheer him on....knowing by Faith that he is going to win this game, by a landslide....
When the storm is over and the skies clear...we will assess the damage to his little body, and start rebuilding/'healing', one tiny blood cell at a time....
Thank you all for being there, standing on the side lines and cheering him on as well.....